Outrageous Manifestation Affirmations

Let's try a little technique I call 'outrageous affirmations' to re-invent my life. I'm going to write statements about myself in my most delulu fantasies as if they were true, and put them up on the internetz for all posterity. If you know me irl, you may want to stop reading because nothing I say from this point on is going to match the person you knew (or thought you knew)!!!

1. I AM 5' 7. I USED TO BE REALLY SHORT - AND UGLY!! BUT I USED QUANTUM VISUALIZATIONS TO GROW 7 INCHES. MY FACE IS LITERALLY LIKE MAGAZINE PERFECT. I HAVE LONG LEGS, A LONG NECK, PERFECT FACIAL FEATURES AND WHITE SKIN.

2. I GET TONS OF ATTENTION FROM MEN!!!! ANY GUY I WANT IS IN MY LEAGUE. IF I WANNA F*CK LEE BYUNG-HUN, HE IS MINE ANY TIME.

3. I AM SUPER RICH AND SUCCESSFUL. ONE DAY, I WOKE UP WITH PRODIGIOUS MUSICAL TALENT AND WROTE HIT SONGS THAT PAID ME MILLIONS. 

4. I AM GETTING YOUNGER ALL THE TIME BECAUSE I HAVE LEARNED TO MANIPULATE TIME AND SPACE TO RESTORE MYSELF TO OPTIMUM PERFORMANCE AND YOUTH.

5. I NO LONGER HAVE TO 'COPE' WITH BEING MISERABLE AND ALONE. I HAVE TONS OF FRIENDS AND CAN GET MEN ANY TIME I FEEL LIKE. 

6. I HAVE MY OWN MANSION, AND IT HAS 48 ROOMS!!!!!

7. I WAS ABLE TO SAVE EVERYONE I LOVE FROM DISEASE, INJURY AND DEATH BY USING QUANTUM MEDICINE.

8. MY HAIR IS GROWING BACK THICKER, JUST LIKE IT WAS IN MY 20S.

9. I HAVE NO MORE WHITE HAIRS!!!!!!!

10. I MANAGED TO CORRECT WRONG EVENTS IN MY PAST IN ORDER TO BE SUCCESSFUL AT A YOUNG AGE, LOSE VIRGINITY NO LATER THAN 20, AND HAVE TONS OF MONEY AND FAME.